Monday, December 12, 2011

10 Reasons Robots Make Terrible Nannies

Maybe I’ve been watching too many reruns of The Jetsons, but the idea of using robots more in our daily lives just made sense. Weren’t we supposed to be the Jetsons by now? At least that’s what I always figured back when the show was new.

So when I decided that robotics was the answer for a family nanny, I was expecting very different results. Well I’m here to tell you, there are 10 reasons why robots make absolutely terrible nannies:

  1. Remote Control – One day as I was fast-forwarding a program on the DVR, Helen, our Robotic Nanny, was pulling into the driveway with the family car. I recommend buying a robot that comes with a variable-frequency remote control. It’s cheaper than a new garage and minivan.
  2. You Call This Fun? - I’m sure it’s probably just a bug in the software, but on several occasions when she was supposed to be taking the kids on a play date, they all somehow wound up in the appliance center at Sears. Which reminds me …
  3. Can’t Turn Your Back On ‘Em – I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve caught her in the laundry room sitting on the washer, on spin cycle, while the kids were sleeping.
  4. A Slight Overcharge – Apparently we left her battery charger connected for too long. Or maybe it was a power surge. Whatever. All I know is we needed the fire department to get our 4-year old out of the neighbor’s tree after Helen took him out to play on the swing.
  5. Wii Had No Idea – Frankly, we were hoping that a full-time nanny would keep our older kids from spending too much time playing video games. We didn’t realize that we had actually hired a video console when we got Helen. By the way …
  6. Ouch, That Hurts! – In retrospect, Transformers 3 was probably a bad choice of matinee movie. As I recall, the next day the kids had Helen scattered all over the living room floor, convinced they could convert her into a missile launcher.
  7. Have A Drink On Me – Then there was the time my eldest son stuck one of his Mountain Dew decals on Helen’s access panel, and asked her to wait outside in the hallway at school. We found out, after spending $435 in repairs to unclog her, that he’d told his classmates that she was a soft-drink vending machine. That’s another thing …
  8. High Maintenance -Whatever you might expect to save on expenses like food, overtime, health insurance and phone bills, you will spend – and then some – on parts, extended warranty coverage, service calls and Tarn-X. Oh, and speaking of spending …
  9. Shop-A-holic – We just got our credit card statement for last month. There was a $1536.87 charge on it, from the Android App Store.
  10. Now What? – Once the kids have grown up, you’re basically stuck with a vacuum cleaner / microwave oven / serving cart with control and abandonment issues. Sure, you could always try selling her to another family, but who’s going to pay for an 18-year old robot that’s attached to your washing machine?
Taken From Nanny Jobs

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